Smiling faces

It’s generally held that churchgoers “look so happy”. (At least it used to be. Times might be a-changing.) And I’ve found that to be quite true. But I’m actually not too thrilled about it. Ok, that sounds terrible — I’m not against people enjoying themselves. But to me that happiness is often rather shallow in the land of the churchianity.

The churches I’ve experienced have generally been homogeneous, white middle class. There are no real problems to talk about on the surface. Think muzak and yeah, smiling faces. But not genuinity.

When people join the club, and start their transition from unchurched to churched, they don’t fit that mold. They have issues. And they don’t hide them beneath a smiling face. That’s generally not that big of a problem, people are given some leeway, at least until they get the “saved” stamp and are expected to shape up their act.

The real problem is when churched people get into problem. No sorry, I meant when churched people show their problems. Having problems is quite accepted, but showing them is a big deal!

The church seems quite unable to deal with people with problems. I don’t mean the “I’m going to pray for you”/”he hasn’t been here for ages, say hello from me”/”we can’t accept that anyone who’ve done what you’ve done is [playing/singing/preaching]“/”you’re not welcomed here anymore” kind of dealing with problems. I’m more referring to, you know, genuinely caring about people.

In my experience church can be very supportive. Until you need support.

Passion for alienation

One thing that puzzles me is why the church tries so hard to alienate itself from the people outside the church.

When I was part of the church it was very much an us vs. them kind of thing. The church, the people and the building, was on one side. Everyone else was on the other side. We called them “the world”, and used “wordly” for things that belonged out there.

The church has its own special language, churchianese. It’s kind of weird, but you get used to it after a while. However, it’s quite effective in separating us from them. You can quite easily tell if someone is in the know, and they can quite easily not understand a word you’re saying.

The church is also quite good to come up with rules that clearly separates the two groups. Alcohol is a no-no. Tobacco is a no-no. Dancing is a no-no. Non-christian music is a no-no. See, we neither drink, smoke nor cuss and we listen to DC Talk. We’re different! Wanna join?

It’s mainly not about what you do. It’s much more about what other people think you’re doing. It’s like people wear “What Would People Think” bracelets all of the time. Yesterday I heard one explanation about why Paul in some bible passage tell the men to not have long hair. Supposedly at that time male prostitutes had long hair. So for people not to think the men in the church were prostitutes, they should cut their hair. Now, that interpretation seems rather fishy, but it pretty much sums up what I’m trying to say.

Another expression of this passion for alienation is that whenever the church is visible to the public it’s to let everyone know of the church’s disapproval of the morality in general. What people do in their beds, especially of the same-sexed kind, is the current favorite.

When I was part of the church I guess the alienation helped in a way for me to stay in the church. Now, when I’ve been out for a while, I’m repelled by it, and have hard times regarding the church as relevant. I no longer consider myself any better than the ones around me. I can identify myself more with a “heathen” than a church-goer.

I’m a them.